misery

She feels like she’s nothing at home. Just a nuisance that gets scolding from her parents for everything she didn’t do or didn’t do well. All the things she did are ignored or given very little attention by them. Her achievements are belittled unless it was the best that could be achieved. She is deemed to have no potential to cook by her family after only a few failed attempts. Her success doesn’t remove that title. She is always compared to the best of the best which makes her seem worthless. Her sister is always better than her in some ways. She is better than her sister in some ways but they are tossed aside and ignored by her parents when they compare them. Her sister is always trying to prove that she is smarter and can outwit her. She still gets treated like a kid by her whole family and doesn’t get to have much freedom compared to her friends who are allowed to party till way past midnight and go to clubs and stay with their boyfriend.

Her joy is her boyfriend and her friends that are always there for her. He makes her feel loved and wanted. For once in her life she feels like she’s worth something. He believes in her and doesn’t judge her based on her failures and her past. He doesn’t ignore her achievements and maker her feel proud of herself even when she looks down on her own achievements. He makes her feel that she is the best in his eyes and no one can take that title away from her. He makes her feel that even if she is no one to the whole world it wouldn’t matter as she is someone to him. He picks her up when she falls and comforts her in her sadness. He tolerates her outbursts of frustration and confusion misdirected at him and calms her down. He listens to her whining, grumbling and complaints and tells her everything will be alright. Typing messages to him calms her down at night when she is afraid of the dark and the unknown. He tells her she’s beautiful when she’s at her worst. He doesn’t keep anything from her and is open about everything she tells him. He treats her like his princess and is proud to have her. He makes her feel good about herself and diminishes her self-doubt. He makes her feel safe and that she belongs somewhere-with him. He makes her part of his life and not just a bystander. His affection is what she lives on. He means the world to her.

They are there when she is sad to comfort and console her. They readily listen to her whining and give her any advice they can think of. They accept her as who she is and don’t attempt to change her. They are sincere in their friendship don’t back stab. They still remain even when she hasn’t seen them for ages because she hangs out with her boyfriend most of the time. They still go out with her and talk and joke the same way they did years ago. They tolerate her tendency for arriving late and procrastination. They believe in her in their own special way. They are the best friends she has ever known and treasures them immensely even if she doesn’t show it often.

But now he has started his course in university and is no longer as free as he used to be. He can no longer pamper her and accompany her much. She misses him dearly but there’s nothing they can do as he has to study. They are also studying already and therefore cannot afford to spend their time with her as they need that precious time to study for their exams and do their assignments. She understands this and does not blame anyone for her boredom and loneliness. But the sadness she feels missing him drains most of her energy and spirit and he’s not there to make her feel alive. Her family drains her of even more will and so she now mostly does nothing at home and broods away in her misery and boredom. She has unhealthy meal times as she lost her appetite which was before this extremely good. She doesn’t like having lunch alone and the thought of it makes her depressed and therefore loses her will to cook, go out and eat or buy back any food. She sleeps in the early hours of dawn as she lost her liking for sleeping as well and as a result, wakes up very late in the afternoon. She drinks very little water as he is not there anymore to prompt her to drink. She misses the songs she used to so frequently hear him play almost every day and so sings fragments of the songs that she remembers to herself. Her recently hyped up cheerfulness has dissipated into thin air as depression cloaks her and now hardly opens her mouth to speak unless she has to. The thought of leaving for Semenyih during late September leaves her even more depressed as she will be far away from her source of happiness. She will only come back every weekend which will most probably be spent with her family and so leaves scarcely much time to spend with her boyfriend and friends who have their own activities as well.

I wonder how she will cope……