Random babbling...

I hv not much idea y...but suddenly...i juz keep gettin soo depressed...haih...well,actually i kind do noe y i get depressed...but i dono y i get depressed so often cuz it din use to b lk that...i miss u i miss u i miss u...i wan u but i cant hv u, n if i can hv u i wudnt trust u, n if i cant trust u i wudnt wan u...wth...i hv no mood to do hw...to study...to b truly happy...i'm indulging in retail theraphy n its makin things worse cuz now i'm broke...i feel lk drinkin...partyin...to get drunk so i won feel so much hurt...everything is juz soo...AARGH!!! mayb i shud get a mind-wipe...a fine tune 1...juz to get rid of my memories of u...well,u'll now wat i mean if u read Artemis Fowl...reli nice series...light reading but nice la...at least it helps me take my mind of him...but then...if i cud...i'm not even sure i'd wan to...since, u were a part of my life...an important part if not a huge part of my life...haih...now, i'm drawn towards blood red...it reminds of a vampire...sumtin that i hv daydreamed bout bein...ya ya...u'll say i'm weird...i don care...as if anythin reli matters anymore...everything juz feels so dead...may as well b a living dead...n wear cool goth clothes(black...purple...red...)...n fly...haih...it still stabs my heart everytime i c u...but i still wana c u...i may not admit it to my friends...but u still mean alot alot alot to me...almost every nite i wish my pooh bear cud turn into u...n comfort me wen i cry...since i cry almost every nite...

I feel kinda self-absorbed...tryin to look pretty n all...i guess its bcuz i feel so insecure...n confuse...so to make things easier for me, i juz made myself believe that its my fault n start finding all kinds of faults in myself...lk i'm not pretty enuf...i'm too boring...i'm too demanding...so its lk out of the probs there's ony 1 that i can correct easily...which is to make myself look better...sure,u might think its stupid to solely blame my looks...but when u reach this stage of sadness...a reason is the ony thing that keeps u sane...even if its a reason u made up...haih...n it worries me a lil whether ppl think i'm lk fa hao or extremely vain or sumtin cuz go coll ony summore put make up n stuff...but then,it doesnt reli matter wat other ppl think...i've nvr been particularly bothered bout wat ppl think anyw...i hv my own style of dressing that my mum disapproves of sometimes but i don care...its my life n my body n i'll dress it the way i wan to...haih...mayb we weren't meant to b...lk u said...mayb...but my feelings, r the opposite...mayb we r meant to b...juz not now...juz mayb...well, i guess i can mayb for the rest of my life since i don think u r ever comin back...i don care if u read this cuz it doesnt reli matter anyw does it?we aren't talkin ad...we're juz ignoring each other's existance...n besides,wen did u care how i feel...

I thought someone else could end the pain...but i fear...that you are the only 1 that actually can...