I fuckin miss u...y the hell do i keep missin u?its been 6 bloody months n i cant get u out of my mind...n its not as if they r no other guys to distract me...there r 3 in fact...but i still fuckin miss u...u werent suppose to mean so much...u reli werent...fuck fuck fuck...i'm gonna die of heart ache...i don wana stop lovin u...but i hv to...but i don wan to...n i'm scared of not lovin u for some reason...fuck...u fucked up my mind...i'm all screwed up...fuckin screwed...

Ant bite

I wen to the back lane behind my hse on sun night...it was reli dark ad cuz it was raining earlier so we cudnt go till bout 8pm...oh,n i had to marinate some chicken and fish and then wrapping them in aluminium foil n puting it in the oven before i cud go...mmm...juz thinkin of it makes me hungry...anyw,me n my sis wen n we found that the back lane changed quite alot since the last time we went...it no londer has this weird kind of plant that grows some translucent leaf thingy that is shaped lk a ball n has air inside...no more morning glorys,no more big shrub with cute green n red berries...so we wen back...on the way back we spotted a frog so we squatted down to watch it for a while...it was then that a medium size black ant crawled onto my little finger n bit it...man it was painful...n who say that ant bite isnt painful...it was fine then but then after an hr or so it started swelling...the swelling spread over a few hours to the back of my palm n to my ring finger n a little part of my middle finger...the small valley between the knuckles of my little finger n ring finger was almost completely gone...cuz of the swelling...my sis said that it wud go away the next day so i din worry bout it...but the next day,after i came back from col the swelling was still present n so i wen to c the doctor...he told me that i had an infection as the sweeling was red n warmer than the rest of my hand...bcuz of the swelling,i had to take of the ring i was wearin to col n so i lost it...haih...it isnt an expensive 1...a very cheap 1 in fact...u noe,those fake jewelry little girls play wit?well,it was that kind...but it was so precious to me cuz i had since i was a little girl n till now i still think it looks reli nice...haih...as my dad always says, anicha...which means impermanent...everything is impermenant...howh,but i reli do lk it...wish i cud find it back...too bad i don hv a pic of it... =(

The swelling has gone but its still itchy...i had to take antibiotics and an anti toxin that makes me sleepy...so for the past few days i've so sleepy...so hard to get up in the morning n harder to concentrate in class...haihz...sleepy...sleepy...*yawn*...

Today is oso the 1st time i got into an accidetn which is NOT my fault...haha...a girl older than us by a year bumped into my car from behind n some paint came off so she has to pay me 2o0bucks to respray my darling car...more stuff happend today but,i juz wan to take a short nap b4 dinner...write bout those later...as i said...sleepy...Zzzz...

OUting on fri

Fri was specs day as phyll said...she asked me n sian yee to wear specs to col so we did...alot of ppl in our class wears specs...n we took a pic...but i wore my gray contacts rite after collectin them...oh,ya.i ordered 2 boxes of it the day b4...i saw nic wen we were takin a pic at the corridor n it made me realise how much i still miss him n thus the song that i juz wrote...other than that we wen for breakfast in Peppercorn n then i wen to the curve wit sin yee...i'd rather not write it all over again so if u wana read bout it juz go to the new four forever blog cuz i wrote bout it there...its linked in my blog...nothing much...juz 3 pics besides the other pics i posted in my other blog...so here thay r...



me wearin the new contacts...


almost every1 in class that wore specs that day...


me,phyll n alicia...in specs...

ok,thats all...tata...

Killing me inside

Killing Me Inside

It was cold outside town
but it felt colder in my heart
you made me feel like a million bucks
but i knew it was just a lie

You pretend
That you loved me so
You pretend
Pretend I don't know

I love you but I don't wana love you
When you don't even care
i miss you but I can't bring myself
To trust you anymore
You're killing me inside
You're killing me inside....

I saw you yesterday
By the corridor outside class
Our eyes met but i looked away
So you wont see how i hurt

You pretend
That you don't see i'm sad
You pretend
Pretend i don't care

I love you but I don't wana love you
When you don't even care
I miss you but I can't bring myself
To trust you anymore
You're killing me inside
You're killing me inside...

How am I suppose to live
How am I getting through this

I love you but i don't wana love you
when you don't even care
I miss you but I can't bring myself
To trust you anymore

I want you but i just cannot have you
and even if I can
I wouldn't wana trust you so then i just don't want you
What the hell do i want?

You screwed up my entire life
You made me oh,so confused...
U...u...yea...yeyea...

I love you but I wana love you
When you don't even care
I miss you but I can't bring myself
To trust you anymore
You're killing me inside
You're killing me inside...

You Are My Sunshine

You are my sunshine,
my only sunshine.
You make me happy,
when skies are grey.
You never know dear,
how much i love you.
So please don't take my sunshine away...

I'll always love you,
and make you happy,
even if it breaks my heart.
I'll sacrifice
everything for you,
cuz u'r the only sunshine i know...

I kinda made this up...juz wanted to post it here to...express my feelings i guess...since it makes u happy,i'll let u go...even if it breaks my heart...at least u'r happy...

Layer ONE : On the Outside
Name: Tan Yi Ping
Birth Date: 14 October 1988
Eye color: Black
Hair color: Black
Righty or Lefty: Righty
Zodiac Sign: Libra

Layer TWO : On the Inside
Your heritage: Chinese
Your fears: Heights,Bein alone in the dark n unknown,needles...too many to list out...
Your weakness: I dono...love?
Your perfect pizza: Island Supreme from Pizza Hut

Layer THREE : Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
Your thoughts first waking up: I still want to sleep...
Your bedtime: It depends...11pm-1am usually...
Your most missed memories: When my bf reli loved me...

Layer FOUR : Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke: I actually don know the diff between them...
McDonalds or Burger King: McD!!!
Adidas or Nike: Nike...i'm juz dyin to own a pair of Nike shoes...
Lipton tea or Nestea: Nestea
Chocalate or Vanilla: Chocolate is the BEST!!!
Cappuccino or coffe: Cappuccino

Layer FIVE : Do you
Smoke: nope...i wanted to try once but i know its bad for health...my dear pet bro won let me anyw even if i wanted to...
Curse: well,yea...its bcumin an annoyin habit of mine...
Take a shower: Duh...who doesnt?
Want to get married: obviously
Believe in yourself: yup!!!

Layer SIX : In the Past Month
Drank alcohol: Yes. i wen to Maison at the beginnin of dec n wen to Soda to party on new year's eve n i drank on both occasions
Gone to mall: I'm a girl so yea,of cuz i've been to the mall
Been on stage: Hmmm,does dancin on a raised platform wit lots of other girls in a club count?
Eaten Sushi: Yes!!! I love sushi!!!
Dyed your hair: Sadly no...i wan to highlight my hair purple...or with 3 shades of brown...but i'm broke...

Layer SEVEN : Have you Ever?
Played a stripping game: No!!! of cuz not!!!
Changed who you were to fit in: i don think so...

Layer EIGHT
Age you are hopping to get married: 26-29

Layer NINE : In a Guy/GirlBest
eye color: Hazel
Best hair color: a few shades of brown together
Short or long hair: Short

Layer TEN : What were you doing
1 minute ago: Doing this tag thingy
1 hour ago: Blogging
4.5 hours ago: readin a story book
1 month ago: havin my AS finals
1 year ago: gettin ready for college

Layer ELEVEN : Finish the Sentence
I love: to be loved
I feel: unwanted
I hate: bein left alone without any1 to love n love me
I miss: well,somebody that alredy knows...
I need: more cash... =p

Layer TWELEVE : Tag 5 people
I'm not taggin any1...i juz did this for the fun of it n bcuz i had nothing better to do...

p.s i juz wanted to say that i think my dear pet bro has forgotten bout me...

ciao...

Frustration

I hate this feeling...i hate it...i hate it...i miss feelin the spark when i fall for sum1...its juz that,nobody interests me now...nobody...n it seems that nobody is interested in me either...well,actually there r 2 or 3...but i hv no feelings for them...they juz arent my type at all...the only person i wan rite now doesnt wan me...the other possible person cud nvr possibly love me the way i need to b loved(well,at least i think so,deducing from past experience)...n he alwiz ffk anyw so it will b reli hard n frustrating to meet up wit him since he stays quite far...haih...n i feel lk i'm not wanted...i mean by guys that i wud actually consider to b my bf...there's nobody to flirt wit...well,ok there's 1 but he cant go out wit me cuz he stays so far away nor will he ever admit that he lks me...bcuz i suspect he doesnt...i think he juz does it for a reason that is juz between me n him...n well,i don think he'll b a good bf anyw...i reli miss the feelin of bein loved n cared for...n i miss lovin n carin for sum1...if any of my ex had givin me a soft toy at least i wud hv had that to take care of...but i don...i ony hv my darling snuffles which was given to me by a group of my close friends on my 14th or 15th birthday...sorry,cant reli remember...i'm not sayin that snuffles isnt good enuf...its juz that he wasnt given to me by a person that i truly reli loved n cared for n that loved me or at least liked me too...haih...

This is how he looks like btw,if u were wondering...

Isnt he juz cute?this was taken using my phone n the pic was edited wit my phone too! hehe...he's reli soft n cuddly...not too big too...

Ah well...i'm goin to get back to my brooding...n envyin other happy couples...ciao...